Sometimes you’ve got to leave, Wonder.
For a few minutes, a few days, or forever.
If this doesn’t apply to you today, so much the better – but just in case, I mean:
Others — your husband, your mother, your boss, your friend — talk and act the way they do because they honestly think it’s the best way to talk and act. Always.
You can speak your truth, listen, try to understand, try to find a common ground, request, express your feelings… But none of it guarantees any response or outcome.
Your will is no more able to control your step-mother than control the weather.
Everybody behaves in the way that seems best in view of the way he or she interprets the situation (which is good news, because others’ sovereignty establishes your own too).
So, instead of battling it out for ages, trying to convince the other person, instead of threatening, begging, manipulating, forcing — and instead of resigning yourself — you can exercise a power that’s always at your disposal:
You can vote with your feet.
You can say yes, and stay, or say no, and leave.
It’s a gesture of love for yourself, one that at the same time recognizes the other person’s sovereignty.
I got the expression from Paul Richards. I agree with him when he says:
« The best way to vote is with your feet, and the best use of power is at the end of your legs. It’s the power that matters. If something happens around you that isn’t right for you, then leave.
If people don’t see you right, treat you right, speak to you right — and right means respectfully, cherishingly, lovingly, considerately, with celebration and sympathy — then vote with your feet and leave.
I mainly demand respect with the soles of my feet. I will leave a room if I’m not treated well or if people around me aren’t treated well, and I do mean that. »
The feeling of being “stuck” (in a situation, or with someone) is almost always the fear of what would happen if we used that power. That, and the refusal to choose between staying or going, between saying yes or saying no.
Walking away when there’s no better possibility at that moment is not admitting defeat. It’s the manifestation of our most fundamental sovereignty, which guarantees our integrity.
The good thing is, it’s a wide world out there…
Photo: Amarit Opassetthakul